Valacor

Something...very important happened to me last night and I'll try to detail it as close as I can.

"i...i.... i need to go.... the militia house will be worried about me...i..." She says softly, standing up
Valacor grabs her wrist
Mairie struggles a moment.
Valacor grabs her chin and pulls her to him kissing her
Mairie struggles against him, hard, but not hard enough to actually get away
Valacor listens to her thoughts as she struggles
Mairie begs softly for him to let her go, that this was all a misunderstanding, a mistake
Valacor bring his hand down to her neck as he bites down on the other side drinking slowly
Mairie feels her body go passive against him as the pleasure begins washing away the fear.
Valacor stops after a few moments, a bit of her blood in his mouth still as he pulls a collar from his belt pouch and smears some of her blod on it, then bites his wrist drawing a bit of blood smearing his own on the collar as well
Valacor says, "your not going anywere, untill you give in to your needs"
Mairie blinks through the haze of pleasure and pain at what he's holding in his hands.
Mairie feels the panic begin again, trying to back away from him, "Please, no, they are wrong.... perverted...Please don't do this"
Valacor puts it on her latching it
Mairie cries out softly as the leather encircles her neck, locked firmly.
Valacor places his hand on her cheek lifting her head to look into her eyes.

So that was my night. I had a long talk with Nilok and he seems pretty happy with the situation, oddly enough. Ko did not take it so well. Well actually to say that Ko didn't take it so well is a bit of an understatement. Ko did not take it at all. He said 'This is over between us' and he frowned. He told me that he loved me, then when we talked, he told me that he regretted not having me formally inducted into his House, so now I am without one yet again. He told me there was nothing he could do, because of the fact that Valacor is a Vampire and therefore a great threat. He then went and told Majestad, and someone else, and they all went to tell Lady Vakarina that Valacor was a great fiend. Ok, yeah, that was my fault because I didn't have the will power to stop and admit to the truth, that while Valacor forced it on me, we both knew i wanted it until I stopped to face the consequences. Majestad and I talked and he decided that all I do is abandon everyone who loves me.... and he said that it was all my fault. /sigh. He and Valacor ended up in a duel, and predictably my Pet...no, he isn't my Pet any longer. Predictably Majestad lost, and well, he told me to forget that I ever knew him.

Sidra read my skull though tonight at Soulfire and this is what the spirits said to her through me:

"I am Apocalyptic, sister, and I will tell you of your Immediate Challenges and, perhaps, your Future. Your Immediate Challenge: Will. The spirits indicate that you are in charge of the way your life unfolds, and it will unfold in a way anticipated. They promise that you are in a state of mind that will allow you to fill your needs. Immediate Future: A Star... Optimistic. The spirits see hope, regeneration, vision and a new life. Life's forces will combine to assist, rather than hinder. Final Future: Lord of Love. Bliss. Deep joy. We see harmonious and contented exchanges of emotion with an undercurrent of passion. There will be times of reflection. You will be... content. "

All I can say is a child. But whose is the question ? My Master, Valacor or Kogaiji ? Certainly not Andrashi for all that he tried and tried to make me pregnant.... Or someone entirely new ?

I'm scared and hopeful. To finally have a family.... Is worth whatever the price might be. Even if it means .... smiles.

Nilok and I also talked tonight. Nilok wanted me to chose between him and Valacor since there is no way Valacor will ever let me be with Nilok in that way. Nilok..... Parts of me crave him, his touch... He sets out to seduce me, and tonight he very nearly suceeded. If it wasn't for the fact that he reacted with some disgust hwen he saw my collar, I probably would have given in and let him 'rescue' me from Valacor. We talked about a lot of things, but one thing that struck me was the Nilok finally seemed to get it. He finally had a category to fit me into, and he set about telling me that I wasn't shameful or bad or icky. And he almost managed to convince me. He told me that there are worse things than the pursuit of pleasure, and he is very right.

My Master and I (pracitces saying this very carefully) went out to the Enchanted Lands to slay. I grew in my Necromantic abilities again tonight, unlocking a new tier of power. I finished some tasks for the various faction houses and hopefully the ungrateful wretches will be pleased with the Knights. My Master took me back to his home and then proceeded to well...do something. Looking back thru my journal entries, I can only assume it was to remove my experiences with Andrashi. He drank from me, then made slow love to me, taking me the way that I needed to be. I fell asleep in his arms, on the pillows before the fire, and then when I awoke, I went back out to work on some tasks. Nilok asked me tonight if I love him. The answer is yes. Then he asked me if I loved Ko, and the answer was yes. Lastly he asked me if I loved Valacor. I don't, not yet, and I dont know if I ever will. Valacor promised me that once I accepted what I was, I would have both the child Sidra promised and a House.

All I have to do is accept what I am. Absolutely fabulous.